Enough with ELI5, We need to ELI75

(Explain Like I'm 75)

Reddit requires users to be 13 years or older to be on this sub. 5 year olds cannot post or view reddit, and they probably don't have money to throw into crypto. Why do we say ELI5?

ELI75 is much more fitting here. Explain crypto to me as if I had a retirement fund of $4m that I want to invest part of. I want staking explained to me in a way that I could understand, even if I thought that my computer no longer has internet because I deleted the internet explorer icon off my desktop.