The year is 2023

A wave of institutional investors causes ALGO to reach new heights. It now trades at $1.

China announces a ban on crypto, but this time exempting government officials.

Robinhood crypto wallets are nearing release. No date announced yet.

Adam Back denies being Satoshi despite mountains of circumstantial evidence. He instead continues pushing misinformation to deflect any suspicion of being the richest person alive.

Moons have yet to reach Mainnet, but Reddit Admins hint toward a roadmap blogpost coming soon. No date announced yet.

XRP has been re-listed on Coinbase, but withdrawals are currently disabled.

Mark Cuban doubles down on Titan, citing that he never even noticed the loss he took from being rugpulled.

The FBI announces the $4 billion seized from the BitFinex hack have been lost, blaming Russian hackers. The military industrial complex acts swiftly by expanding the War in Yemen to distract from the missing funds. However, tracking the blockchain transactions lead to a Coinbase wallet operated by Nancy Pelosi.

Ellen Pao rejoins Reddit to run the community points project, which causes every whale and moderator to sell their stack. All part of her plan, Pao buys the dip and makes a sizable profit. She is subsequently fired, but Spez goes overtime on damage control and edits every incriminating comment Pao made.

And last but not least, despite Bitcoin reaching an all-time high, El Salvador claims to have bought the dip.