Today is Safemoon's 1st Birthday. Let's look at what they've achieved for this milestone event.

NOTHING.

Hah, just kidding. But it's not too far off from the mark.

• Safemoon was released on the 2nd March 2021, after core developer "Safemoondev" copy-pasted the BEE contract line for line, changing the overall tax from 5% to 10%.

• Safemoon to this day claim there was a "fair launch", however in reality, Safemoon launched with zero announcements on March 2nd 2021, where immediately, several wallets purchased hundreds and thousands of dollars worth of a token listed at less than $0.00000000002 (10 zeroes, meaning one hundred bucks would buy you 5 Trillion Tokens This price is correct as of March 5th, I have no earlier price entries).

• Public availability was then on the 8th March, where the token price had already raised significantly to $0.000000001. At this point, new entrants were still getting billions of tokens for relatively small sums, but of course, the people selling got very lucky - these original wallets are widely speculated to be Developers & Friends/Family of developers, with investigation to confirm proof of this currently underway. Whoever bought between March 2nd and March 8th could've earned up to 4,900%

• Safemoon enlists the help of several prominent influencers to keep the volume high and price pumping. Names such as Soulja Boy, Jake Paul, etc. There is currently an ongoing Class-Action lawsuit alleging these influencers, and Safemoon dev team pumped and dumped Safemoon.

• An original roadmap is published. This lays out a year's worth of activity. To this day, most items have been abandoned, or were released months late.

• In May 2021, Safemoon reaches the All-Time-High of $0.00001094. If any Pre "fair-launch" wallets held, they are up 54,699,900%. A $100 investment at the start of launch would therefore yield $54.7m. Currently, the price is -87.27% down from ATH.

• The Certik Audit is complete and notes several major security flaws. Chief of which;

  As a result, overtime the _owner address will accumulate a significant portion of LP tokens

  Remember this.

• The Wallet was supposed to launch at the end of June. In early July, with no wallet in sight, the devs & moderators on the Safemoon subreddit & discord pretend they have a beta wallet to test and claim to have distributed it to 500 people who signed an NDA to keep it secret. It's now 8 months later and not one person has ever confirmed this wallet existed. At all. No redacted screenshots, no download logs. There is no proof of its existence.

• The Wallet is now scheduled for end of August. A date has been set. Safemooners are utterly convinced it will bring them legitimacy and respect in the Crypto community. Finally, their first real and tangible product. August 28th rolls round and Billboards appear in London & New York advertising the wallet. CEO John Karony is hyping the launch 10 minutes before it is due to be released at 4pm. 4pm rolls around. No wallet. Nothing. Links to Google Play and iOS store redirect to the homepage. A whale sells trillions upon trillions of tokens 30 minutes before launch, causing a huge cascade of price over the next weeks.

• An independent company called Doxxlocker audits Safemoon. They use the previous flaw stated in the Certik audit as their jumping-off point. They discover that via the very same SwapAndLiquify function, an address did indeed accumulate significant quantities of tokens from the LiquidityPool. Those tokens were then wash-traded and sold on the open market. In total, over $68.4m in BNB & Safemoon were sold.

• Three team members simultaneously quit. The Chief Operating Officer, Chief Blockchain officer and Chief Technology Officer. Jack is now living a life of abject luxury despite "never owning any Safemoon". Prior to this, he worked as a part time DJ and twitch streamer. Kay.

• The Wallet is finally released. It has a non-functioning calculator, and many Safemooners notice it looks strangely familiar. It appears to have been built from the open source code of Trust Wallet.

  [1], [2]

• After several updates, to give them credit, in a short amount of time the wallet was more of less functional. It was missing some features from the Roadmap. "Military-grade" encryption was nowhere to be found... and there was no buy button.

• The "direct-buy" functionality finally arrives, brought to Safemooners via Wyre. Now you can buy Safemoon with just a 3.9% fee. That means if you buy 1 million Safemoon, you get 900,000 because of the 10% tax and it costs you 3.9% more. When you sell, you are taxed another 10%, so buying Safemoon direct has a whopping 23.9% tax added on top. "ThE eVOlutION!"

• Thomas leaves. The man they called "Papa". The "Blockchain Wizard". He had no proven experience coding a single material thing and helped pepretate a story that he rejected a $2,000,000 job offer from Ripple. Thomas originally handed in his notice, then was convinced to stay. He didn't last long.

• Bitmart is hacked and 28 Trillion Safemoon tokens are stolen and sold on the open market, crashing the price. Moonboys speculate this is only a good thing, as Bitmart will buy back the tokens at a higher price than the market sells, therefore the price will go up. Two months later, it appears Safemoon CEO John Karony has transferred Bitmart Billions of V2 tokens under the counter, profiting, while Safemoon investors are left holding the shit. They didn't even get reflections from the transfers.

• On Halo Infinite's release day, investors start to demand updates to Roadmap items. Many things were promised before the end of the year, such as the Blockchain and Exchange. CEO Karony tells them "Hush, Halo time". Not once. Twice.

• Now it's time to upgrade the contract! Apparently, the reason there is no Safemoon Blockchain, Safemoon Exchange or major Exchange listings are because this token has too many decimals (quick, nobody mention Shib!) so a reverse-split happens, where Safemoon tokens are traded 1000:1 for Safemoon V2.

• The "upgrade" is botched. V2 trades at a higher price, and major arbitrage happens. People sell V2, re-buy V1, trade it for V2 tokens and sell, repeating the process to profit. V2 wallets aren't receiving reflections properly. The community is furious and turns on itself.

• Safemoon puts their best minds together and comes up with a plan to implement a 100% tax on the V1 token, confiscating any funds transacted into the liquidity pool. They signal intention to do this just 1.5 hours before implementing the 100% tax. Many, many, many investors lose thousands and thousands of dollars. Safemoon has not mentioned any plan to reimburse these folks. Currently, a second Class-Action lawsuit is brewing because people rightfully feel like Safemoon has stolen their money.

• "Operation Pheonix" [sic] has been revealed. Safemoon is now a "Human-focused technology company" who are spraying Rain-X onto wind turbines built by a third party, in order to generate energy in The Gambia, where a portion of the energy generated will convert into Safemoon. None of the mechanics are clear. The benefits of application of "nanotechnology" "hydrophilic" particles are not clear. How this ties into a Cryptocurrency is not clear. It's alleged people can have ownership of these wind turbines via an NFT - how that works is not clear. Safemoon community continues to confuse Windmills with Wind Turbines. Windmills mill wheat into flour. That has always been clear.

• Safemoon opens their headquarters in Utah. A large office section of a building on a business estate is leased. Safemoon claim to have 90 employees, but only about 5 of them have ever been seen.

• Advertisements go up in Times Square. These play for 15 seconds per hour, every hour of every day, for an entire year. Looking at Advertisement companies in Times Square, one of these billboards would cost between $6-15m dollars for a year. Safemoon has 4 large ones. These billboards have not materially increased the token holders, price or volume.

• Mandala exchange, a tiny offshoot of Binance with one of the lowest CEX volume rankings announces they are officially adding Safemoon. Mandala does not allow trading in the US. The launch is set for Feb 17th. The 17th Arrives. Mandala releases a statement saying they are having issues implementing Safemoon, but to hang tight. A few days later, they release another statement saying they are having unforeseen issues and advise to withdraw all Safemoon deposited onto Mandala.

• 3 months after V2 launch, only 626,000 of the 3 million Safemoon V1 wallets have migrated. Of the 626,000 wallets, 79% of these holders have less than $600.

• It's now today, March 2nd 2022. A full year after Safemoon was released. Safemoon teases a month of surprises, and kicks the celebrations off by changing the domain of Safemoon.net website to Safemoon.com, and changing the logo. There are no other changes.

Happy Birthday, Safemoon.